Black Mirror

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; Then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known." I Corinthians 13:12

In this life, the most difficult thing to face is not G-d, but ourselves. We will look in any other direction, for any amount of time, rather than spend one minute looking within. It's nearly impossible to look upon ourselves, illuminated by G-d, who reveals the things about us that we would never be able, or choose, to see on our own. He is able to show us more about ourselves than we could ever want to know because, having created every single one of us, He knows us completely. Not in the way we know ourselves, which is in part. He fully knows us.

In an attempt to flee an accurate appraisal of our spiritual interior, we prefer to spend nearly every waking moment comparing ourselves to those around us, rather than G-d. This is a much more achievable standard, we surmise. We walk through our days essentially as mobile laboratories - as jostling sets of boiling concoctions in thin glass tubes. We're ready to bubble over, neutralize completely, or shatter our containers altogether at the slightest tampering. Adding an ingredient we find here, a few drops of something we saw over there, we mix our solutions in hopes of discovering that elusive elixir. The one that will allow us to look at ourselves without self-loathing. The one that will hopefully enable us to be who we believe we "deserve" to be. These potentially volatile reactions, comprised of attributes of our (fallen) brothers and sisters we seek to emulate, take place almost completely subconsciously. It may be the addition of only one more event, one catalyst, that causes our lives to, literally, explode in a direction we never intended or even imagined possible. Only the One who intimately knows our chemical makeup can remove the harmful compounds and acids - restoring balance to our seething, inner potions.

Every so often we will catch a glimpse of our reflection in the mirror. We can pretend all is well, ignoring for a time what is so vividly reflected or focus on it, sometimes succumbing to the waves of guilt that wash over us. How honest we are about our own condition will determine if we turn on a brighter light or dim the one lit. If we choose the latter, we sometimes lash out at those around us, who may also find themselves in the dark. While we certainly don't mean the things we say, we seldom realize what the things we say mean. We will sometimes criticize the actions, beliefs and viewpoints of others just to feel better about our own. Choosing to instead focus on what's reflected will allow us to discipline ourselves, improving the area in which we lack. We can choose to be jealous of others in light of what we perceive to be our own shortcomings - or examine those shortcomings, down to their molecular structure, to determine why these harmful compounds are so numerous in our makeup.

G-d will and does shine His light, His Word, illuminating who we really are. The choice is ours to behold our reflections, or turn away for a time. One thing is certain, we will see Him face to face. We will know fully and be fully known.